The Trash Men (gonna end up in a Trash Can)

The Trash Men (gonna end up in a Trash Can) #

Yeah we know that Trash Man gonna get stuff in a Trash Can. If you don’t know that by now, put yourself in a trash can.

The Trashmen are duty-bound to the Flatmen, to run the Trash Corps and police the land between the 2D and 3D astral planes.

The Trashmen are the trashiest people you’ll ever meet. Like reality-show trash mixed with just general tackiness.

They don’t use trucks, but they strike with the fury of a dump truck, so try to avoid them at all costs. Honestly, just don’t interact with the Trashmen.

Reasons to Interact with a Trash Man #

  1. None
  2. None
  3. None

Reasons to run from a Trash Man #

  1. They know how to conjure Flat magic, compress you on the spot, then banish you to the 2D astral planes.
  2. They haven’t been paid for this shit, have better shit to do, and are more than willing to bash your face in.
  3. You just don’t like trash.

1 Trashman 0x00000001 #

Skill 9
Stamina 18
Initiative 3
Armour 1
Damage as Trash Can (Maul) or Acid Spit (Spell – Jolt)

Mien #

  1. Banging two cans together.
  2. Fashioning a chainsaw out of can tabs.
  3. Stomping and shouting.
  4. Saying RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // RIDE THE FILTH // over and over again.
  5. Looking for a gun they lost in a trash can.
  6. Doing standup comedy, and being their own drummer for emphasis.

TRASH LIVES. Or something like that. 0x00000001 loves to just tear things apart. Break them. Break them down. Decompose them. Eat them. Compost them. Turn them into refined coffee with their stomach acid and sell it at a profit (don’t drink their coffee).

Special #

When 0x00000001 stomps, the ground breaks (as Spell –Earthquake). It fills the air with purple ooze.

2 Trashman 0x00000002, “Trash Pinup” #

Skill 8
Stamina 16
Initiative 2
Armour 2
Damage as Trash Can Lid (Shield) or Large Beast

Mien #

  1. Dancing in a lizard-skin coat.
  2. Riding a boat in a trash moat.
  3. Building an airboat out of trash.
  4. Building diving gear out of trash.
  5. Hiding in a pile of trash, like a trash-door spider.
  6. Speaking to a raccoon or something.

Gross. 0x00000002 is always communing with crows, buzzards, raccoons—you know, scavengers. As a result, it knows where to find all the hidden skeletons.

Special #

Makes Trash Skeletons (Skill 6, Stamina 6, Initiative 1, Armour 1, Damage as Club) whenever it has a round to assemble trash.

Trashman Pinup Raccoon Girl #

(imagine one)

3 Trashman 0x00000003 #

Skill 6
Stamina 14
Initiative 6
Armour 1
Damage as Aluminum Rusted Pizza Box (Club) or Large Beast

Mien #

  1. Bashing pizza boxes across brick walls.
  2. Splattering leftover smoothie across the undercarriage of a trash truck.
  3. Spray painting skulls on inanimate objects.
  4. Hiding in a trash can—not stuffed in a trash can.
  5. Rescuing a Trash Man from a trash can.
  6. Building a ziggurat out of rats.

0x00000003 is known as the Valkyrie of the trash HEAPs. Always looking to return fallen Trashmen to their past glory, ferrying them back into reality.

A dangerous entity, able to create even more Trashmen than the Flatmen really need.

They hold the keys to the Flatlands.

Special #

Can turn any trash can (animated or not) into a Trash Man, creating a 2D-to-3D, or 4D-to-2D portal in its wake.

Calendar September 11, 2022