Bestiary, probably #
1 Fish Brigade #
Nay the fish brigade marched again. They marched in rows of 6. They marched in rows of 12. Yet they smashed like. Yet they smashed subscribe. Yet they smashed follow. And none did. Then arose such a clatter that vitality struck them on a night so dim? Or was it grim.
Poetry is fishshit. They’ve got guns, stuns, and they’re here to have fun and run pirate radio.
Damage as Rifle (as Fusil) or Stun-Grenade (as Jolt + Test Luck or stunned for 1d3 rounds)[^1]
- Loading Rifles
- Counting Hand Grenades
- Running a Pirate Radio Station
- Running a Numbers Station
- Reading Cryptid Pinup Monthly
Things That Summon Another Fish Brigade #
- Whenever a fish brigade is slain, 2 more arrive.
- If you don’t clean your weapons before putting them away, Test Luck. On failure, a fish brigade shows up.
- If you need to use a computer device, a pop up will show up to LIKE FOLLOW SUBSCRIBE. Test Luck, on failure, 3d3 fish brigades show up.
- When you try to eat a fish dinner, 1d3 fish brigades show up.
- Whenever you slay (in any sense of word) a BOSS, 3d3 fish brigades show up, demanding exclusive access for their channel.
- When an injustice is perpetuated, pray to the fish brigades and 1d3 will show up to defend someone. Test Luck, on failure they just attack you.
: Skull-grenades can be swapped in at the fish brigades’ will. They deal no Damage, but bind a skull to the target’s soul. If the target dies by the hands of the fish brigade, their spirit (Skill: 4 Stamina:3 Initiative: 1 Armour: 6 Damage as Knife) is forever bound to the fish brigade.
2 Handrageddon #
When the cosmos was created, it was by 3 formless black hands. They had form, of courseㅡthey were hands. They are mentioned in hushed towns as Handrageddon, the Harbinger of Form and Meaning. It is said that prior to the Triumvirate of Hands, matter had no meaning. Of course, now they’re a nuisance, butting in where not needed and trying to mostly poke, prod and reshape.
Rumour has they are trying to shape a new species of life. It will have bunny ears (+2 Initiative). It will have big snapping jaws (Damage as Modest Beast +1). It will be impossibly tall (+3 to Slam Dunks).
(There are 3 hands, deal with it.)
Damage as Modest Beast
- Playing Patty Cake
- Paging Through an Enormous DVD Catalog
- Popping Bubble Wrap
- Axe Throwing Practice
- Knife Throwing Practice
- Pulling the Cosmic E-Brake and Forcing Everything to go into a Wide Flat Spin
The Many Many Permutations of Hand Magic #
|d333||Effect, or something|
|123||Let’s Count Together Now: add 1 extra End of the Round Token this round, 2 to the next round, and 3 to the round after that. WE HAVE TO STOP AND MAKE SURE WE COUNT OURSELVES.|
|132||Make the beat gorandom onomatopoeia**: everyone Test Luck or is knocked on their ass as the sidechained bass boosts. Thwomp.|
|213||Thirded: pulled by all 3 hands. Target Tests Luck 3 times successfully or takes Damage as Modest Beast each time.|
|231||I’m right behind you: one hand under and behind the person. One in front knocks them over. Final hand pins them in place. Target Tests Luck or loses all Luck because: fuck, this is embarrassing.|
|312||Finger Cyclone: thumbs and pinkies interlock, forming a wheel of hands. They spin so fast they tear the wind apart at the MOLECULAR LEVEL. It manifests as a Hurricane.|
|321||BLAST OFF: a single object is hurled into space, being brought back down and ignited by re-entry. It lands near the group, dealing Damage as Dragon-Fire to everything. If anyone survives they have visions of space and what the future brings (mostly just darkness).|
Keeping Track and Stuff #
Keep track of sequences with this table. Whenever a sequence matches above, activate the sequence’s ability. (4 sequences of 3)
Chart, prob-ably #
The Results or something #
When the chart is full, sum the numbers, then activate one of the abilities for the sum. Then erase the chart and start over, maybe.
12+: Somehow the giant black hands grow faster. The 3 hands gain +1 Initiative each, permanently.
24+: SO MUCH DEXTERITY. THE TENDONS STRENGTHEN. The hands gain +1 Skill each.
36+: All this flapping around has led to some gnarly callouses. Each hand gains +1d6 Stamina.
3 Legato Allegatro Maximo #
Cursed words uttered by fools. They reanimate corpses and bring with them a legion of alligator kick line members that will carry it about and speak for it. The chair-MAN is silent, of course.
Returned from the dead and angry as hell. Just wants to be dead and will bring vengeance on whoever brought them back. They are fountains of knowledge, know many stratagems, and know much about depleting arrow and wheat supplies before siege. Supposedly they make good Cuba libres as well. It’s never worth animating them, though.
Damage as Nothing (Unarmed -1)
- Issuing a Kill Command
- Issuing a Move Command
- Drawing Energy from the Earth
- Pondering Life
- Pondering Death
- Possessed by Random Animal Spirits
Chair-MAN is immobile. Cannot move. The chair is soldered into the earth and is sewn into it. Cannot move on their own. Chair-MAN knows ALL. Spells. Ever. Chair-MAN speaks through the alligator kick line members.
Summons 1d3 alligator kick line members on its Initiative.
ALLIGATOR Kick Line Member #
They came to rejoice the return of the chair-MAN. He is here now. Can you not tell they are rejoicing. They also are the voice of the dead man.
Damage as Modest Beast
Dancing a Solo Number Arguing with the Spotlight Operator Eating “Pork” Rinds Playing a Riddim’ on a Human Skeleton’s Bones with their Tails Speculating on When Their Next Performance Will Be Looking Absolutely Menacing as Fuck
Immune to Damage while carrying the chair-MAN.
Things Worth Reanimating a Corpse For #
- Forgetting to pay at a convenience store.
- Making decrees that are unenforceable.
- Lying about who dealt it.
- Creating tomb guardians.
- Reanimating a corpse.
- Trying to remember the phone number of the local pizza joint.