The Hourglass of Time #

It’s sort of ridiculous how time passes and we can do nothing about it. Time rules aren’t always necessary. Systems for the weather, months and feasts aren’t always necessary. I wanted to write them, though.

Months Unraveled Time #

Months don’t path the way you think. Roll for a new month every 1d33 days. Time is weird that way.

1. Barcode: everything becomes impossibly expensive. Bartering doesn’t work.
2. Laser Cannon: time spent outside is dangerous. Anyone spending more than 10 minutes outdoors must Test Luck or take Damage as Jolt as the space cannons rain down hell on those impudent to defy the will of the orbital battalion. Blessed be their name.
3. Satellite Burden: satellites and orbital platforms going in maintenance mode. Satellite based media is dead until this month is over. This includes sat nav, satellite radio and, luckily, advertisements.
4. Titan Maw: when the plague of PUTREMAX is the most prevalent. If infected, Test Luck daily to break free or lose 1 Skill for 1d3 weeks.
5. B-R8 ME: roll twice for Mien and always pick the least hospitable Mien. Berate me, baby.
6. BURDOCK GLASS: all wounds become fibrous glass. During this month when wounded, Test Luck or Stamina loss is permanent.

Feasts of Devoured Saints #

For whatever reasons, hedonism has partook y’all. Every city you meet is celebrating a different feast. Better to know what it’s about. Who is the owner? AND WHAT FOOD YOU GOTTA EAT!

1. The Bread Zone: bread, it’s only bread. Everyone is eating bread. They got bread sandwiches going. It’s honoring the green man that was thrown through a black hole. His name can’t be spoken for fear of litigation. The people here loved him. Lots of people hold up signs that reference “the moon must be destroyed” with foul imagery.
2. Flailing Flag: Sausages impaled with the flag of the nation you’re in are grilled over coals sprinkled with the tears of angels. Messed up enough? It gets worse. Supposedly the first sausage was built by an angel that fed themselves to a sentient abattoir. Have fun with that one. Don’t forget the mustard.
3. Corpse-Oar: meats and vegetables are braised in grain alcohols. They are finished in a clay oven and served on the paddle of a boat’s oar. Oh, and you can’t leave the table before the host does, or you’re smacked with the nearest oar (as Club). This honors the saints that gave their limbs to be used as bones to move “the craft that never was” across the black ocean.
4. Compact Disc: Sparks flare from electronics all over the town. Loud eurodance music blares from every busted-ass car stereo system. Food is served on compact discs, in past times they were used for storing music. Here they are simply plates. The saint honored supposedly was hung for “giving music to the people.”
5. Denim Jeans: This one is easy: everyone wears denim jeans to honor St. Denim. Anyone who is not is beaten savagely by the mob and thrown out of town. St. Denim insisted that a dress code was next to godliness. That was easy, right?
6. Minotaur’s Gun: Another strange one. This woman was half-bull and half-gun. Oh and half-woman. When she brayed, shotgun shells would rain across the land. Actually this saint never actually died. If you celebrate her feast, you eat wild game and only in the center of a stone labyrinth. If you can make her laugh, she’ll let you get seconds… and also let you live.